Monday, May 15, 2017

A good old post about depression...

Depression is one of those things that come
and go with me. Honestly I'm less depressed when 
it's rainy and fall..that's always been my favorite season.

When I was young browsing our library,
 I saw a book on poetry. It was Christina Rossetti
and ever since she's been my top favorite poet. 

Something hopeful and dismal in the same time
is in her writing. Like things could get better but
right now they're pretty crappy.

Long Barren is my favorite religious poem. Echo 
is a good one about boinking (my interpretation),
and L.E.L described me perfectly as a teenager.

When I'm sad I read about the poets I like. Last
week was very hard emotionally, lots of stuff going on.

I was reading a biography about her and found that
Christina went through a bout of self harm too!

"I, too, had a very passionate temper. On one occasion
, being rebuked by my dear Mother for some fault, I seized upon a pair of scissors,
 and ripped up my arm to vent my wrath."  - Rossetti

WHOA. Everyone thinks she was molested or something but
it's idle to speculate unless she talks from beyond the grave.

My therapist said it was from extreme frustration at
a hard situation (2010 january - 2011 summer was awful).
I guess poor Christina was extremely frustrated at life as well?

They said she became too controlling of stuff as she aged, like
she didn't want to give into her passions. I can understand that,
I like being boring. I prefer it to my emotional ups and downs.

She was sick all the time too. She moved her writings from
poems to stories later on her life as well. Same thing I've done. I
don't write poems that often anymore. 

We had many similarities, funny as a small kid reading
her I've gotten older I've seen a ton of
reflection of myself in her writings.

Thankfully it's been 6 years from all the
self harm issues for me. I just instantly disassociate
when I feel stressed, it's easier. 

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